A Guide To "Working Hard"

Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hard-working employees heading for important meetings.
People with nothing in their hands look like their heading for the cafeteria.
People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet.
Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.
When you get caught by your boss - and you will get caught - your best defence is to clain you're teaching yourself to use the new software and thus saving valuable training dollars.

Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough.
Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide.
If you know that somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need approximately halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

Look impatient and annoyed
One should always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

Voice mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail.
People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM.
That's no way to live.
Screen all your calls through voice mail.
If someone leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they won't be there - it looks like you're hard-working and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you have always wanted to read but have never previously had time.
Make sure you walk past the boss' office on your way out.
Also try to send e-mails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9.35pm or 7.05am) and during public holidays.

Creative sighing for effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

Stacking strategy
It is not always enough to pile lots of documents on the desk. Put lots of books on the floor as well - thick computer manuals work best.

Build vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive!